Oh life...!

Tuesday, October 18 2011

Last week was a week I'd rather not remember. It was a doozie... it was life. Everything that could go wrong did and then it went even worse and then we had a rather awful horrible experience that I would rather not even ever mention again. Never...

But this week is looking to be much better. Thank goodness!

Sometimes to get through a day or maybe even the next five minutes seems to take everything you have. At times I just have wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Funny thing is through all my challenges and heartache I've actually learned something now that I've never done before, and that's to allow myself to cry. A good ole fashioned embarrassing "Ugly Cry" as my bff and favorite cousin Kodi calls it. She has no problem with the "ugly cry"... it's a gift really. I see people do it all the time and I just feel well, awkward. I didn't know how to do it, ...really. It just felt so unnatural for me, so I never did.

But, with Rocky's help I have gotten up the nerve to go ahead and just cry when I feel like I'm going to explode. And even though I still honestly don't like it, I have noticed something. Another part of myself that is good.

As Rocky put it to me, "Chels-, it's okay. You are only human!"

I don't think I ever thought to hear those words. What? I am? "You mean I can make a mistake?"

"Yes, you can make a mistake. It's okay. You are human and this is a part of it."

He said this as we sat looking at my mom's couch cushion covers that I had totally fried in the very hot hot laundry mat. They were ruined! I couldn't believe my eyes. I had done this! Me! Chelsea, the one who always has to keep it together, the one who always has to be tough, brave and who never makes a misstep, the responsible one, the one who takes everyone's crap and just lives with it, cause I'm just tough you know. Well I wasn't so tough with my mom's melted big gaping holed couch in my hands. All because of the lice that Tysho brought home from school. Yes,... I said it... Lice.

I couldn't believe that it happened to us! Well, it's a reality of life. And we are not immune. NO matter how clean our house is, and how new our furniture was we got it. We are no better than anyone on this earth and can get stuff like well, lice. I learned just how human we really are as Rocky made a midnight run to Walgreens.

Oh how I love my husband. He is truly amazing. And it's the littlest things that makes my heart swell over and above anything I could utter. And what was it this time, well... it was the fact that he was willing to be the one to put down on the counter of Walgreens 5 bottles of lice shampoo and 6 cans of lice killing spray for our new furniture.

Yep,... Rocky my lice killing hero. Heck no was I going to do that! I was soooo embarrassed.

So getting no sleep for days after cleaning and cleaning and cleaning, there I stood at the laundry mat with no exaggeration 20 batches of laundry running in hot hot water. This young Mexican girl was giving me the evil eye the whole time with her 2 year old by her side since she was furious for me taking up all the washers. I can't blame her.

So in all the no sleep, stress, lice, and a glaring unhappy fellow Laundromat washer I melted my mom's new couch cushion covers!

Rocky made a quick errand and came back to me looking at him with a "I don't know how to get through this one" on my face.

And he said it plainly and simply, "Oh Chelsea, it's ok. You are just human."

And I burst out crying, sobbing really. In front of everyone! Never do I do this,...but I think that's just our problem! Maybe we need to start doing the "never do I do this." . Try it you may be surprised.

So then my awesome husband gently consoled me and said, "It's just a couch not a life, or body part, but why don't you just go sit out in the van and cry it all out and I'll finish up here."

I did just that.

This is what I learned from that horrible week. Take in a breath of air... in and out. And STOP just for a moment. Don't think or hear all those negative things you say about yourself, or just STOP, and quit fussing over the fact that the laundry is never done, the house never stays in perfect condition, the dishes always pile up each night, and yes... sometimes life just happens. Or in our case Lice just happens... haha.

So Rocky and I have been talking about this and trying it. We have to help each other out. But we are seeing such a difference in each other. He is trying not to interrupt and become argumentative right away, but working on listening. And yes, I'm trying to well, be a bawl baby. No, I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've been working on letting myself go a little more or in other words letting my guard down, which I am not use to one bit. Mostly because I've battled bullies my entire life. And it just feels better for me to have the battle gear on and not let down for a minute and show my softer side. I've learned very well how to deal with all the pain that goes along with bullies and I push it all down, really deep inside and try even harder to show no effect on the outside. Even though my insides are filled with scars and pain.

I think we need to have t-shirts that say "Just say NO to Bullies" along with the Just say NO to Drugs. Bullies mess with your mental state just as well. But instead of making you feel inebriated they make you feel nothing but pain. Cowards is what they really are.

So,... Rocky and I are trying something new, and it's really working for ourselves and our marriage! Amazing the way the Lord works to soften and change people.

This past Sunday I found myself in the foyer because of course we were late with all my restless kids fighting and Rocky in a not so great mood annoyed yelling at them, and in that moment of unhappiness instead of continuing on with my usual reaction of continued annoyance and negative attitude I decided to STOP and look out the window.

I found it to be a very simple thing to focus on to bring back my feeling of joy. And there I sat ignoring the fuss going on around me and I just watched the leaves of the tree right outside the window. I looked at all the shadows the leaves made and how the light seemed to seep right through and make an incredible color of green and bright golden light mixed in. Then I noticed how those leaves ruffled in the light breeze and how wonderful the sound was that they made as the leaves actually seemed to enjoy being moved by the wind.

Next thing I knew Rocky and I were smiling at each other. The kids sat down, and started to enjoy their million and one snacks Rocky packs every Sunday. Who are the kids crunching down on the Doritos mixed with Cheese Nips during Sacrament? Well those would be my happy bunch of munchkins.

With this new softness we felt in the air we all started to talk and laugh about our frustrations. Lincoln loves when we get the kids together to see how they feel about an incident and how we can correct situations. He tends to take his little four year old imagination and funny bone too far and his comments tend to be well... funny and not really helpful. Since he was the one who wouldn't be cooperative in getting ready for church he got in Big trouble by his Dad! With a scolding and a firm nudge to get in the bathroom to get his hair done this was just the perfect way to start off our journey to church. From that it just seemed to spiral down from one kid to the next all the way down to Rocky and I frustrated with each other! A typical Satan move, the old... lets get the family in a bad mood right before church.

So when we had our family discussion about that mornings event this is what Lincoln said when it was his turn about his feelings, "Dad,.. you need to go to jail." Oh the look on Rocky's face... priceless. Then Lincoln lets out a big giant sized laugh. Of course we all joined in to the laughter. As Rocky was grabbing Lincoln for a playful hug saying, "LINCOLN! I wasn't that bad! I didn't even do anything to you! You kids don't even know bad. Sheesh. " Lincoln was grinning from ear to ear and again our family was whole with kisses and hugs that followed.

So in conclusion to my sermon, haha , instead of being mad, and overly stressed about the whole fiasco of the lice we laugh about it chalk it up to life. Even the fact that it ended up costing us over 300 dollars to fix! We are on this earth however to experience being well... human.

And hopefully in the end we can actually learn something from all this earth stuff.

We told Tysho for Halloween we finally have the perfect costume for him. We will gather up all the nit combs that come with the lice kits, and we'll stick them in all over in his hair, and then we'll make him a t-shirt that says, "Got Lice?"

Haha. Oh man, you have to laugh at life or you're going to be miserable.

Of course Tysho screamed out loud, "NO! Stop it mom and dad!" And laughed running away as fast as he could as Rocky and I both tried to convince him it was the perfect Halloween costume for our perfect October scare.